Phase 2, Take 2

Phase 2, Take 2
Today, after working a short shift from the comforts of my home office, I decided to take a quick little nap on my family room sofa. I have felt very fulfilled in life up to this moment (generally speaking), and I was even looking forward to the events of my near future. My oldest daughter and her dear husband are about to bring a baby into this world­–grandma phase is underway. My oldest son is about to move out and take on adulating at his leisure–this is a good thing. My youngest, who is 17 and full of life just finished his junior football season as state champions, he got his patriarchal blessing and he openly talks of his future plans to serve a mission and attend college. So, yeah, life is good and I am excited for phase two, OR at least I was until I took this little nap on my sofa. Normally I am dreaming of holding my scrumptious soon to be flock of grandchildren, and traveling the world with my favorite husband. Perhaps my dream includes a VERY clean and quiet home, everything organized and in its place. But, unfortunately, I woke up abruptly from my nap (adulthood and a small bladder does this to me) ran to the restroom half dazed and came back out with this overwhelming feeling of I am almost done with my “life,” now what am I going to do?

The crushing sensation of completion washed over me like a tsunami. My whole life has been centered around being a mom, raising my babies and then… perhaps dying? What a rotten feeling. I guess I did not plan very far into the future. Either that or I need more children. Apparently, the three I had did not fill up a very big part of my mortality. Let me do the math here. The first 23-24 years I spent not being a mom, and if I count the next 2 years (before my youngest plans to be out), then so far I will have spent half of my life being a full-time mom. That is a good chunk of my life, right? But let’s say I live to be 80. I have got 30 more years of living to do. UGH. What a dreadful feeling to have. It’s almost like graduating from high school all over again (god bless us all for ever attending such an institution).  

So, what am I going to do with the rest of my life??? is a question that has been plaguing me all afternoon. One option I considered was to be that mom. You know the one. She is forever tightening her apron strings and meddling in her adult children’s lives. Playing the martyr and dishing out guilt to everyone for taking up residence in her uterus. I could be her. That option didn’t do much to calm my mamma panic either. So, I guess I will have to explore, ponder, contemplate, and write myself a plan for phase two of my mortality.  As for you parents out there feeling the same panic I am, and considering being that parent, may I suggest you ponder the following words spoken by Spencer W. Kimball back in 1977.

Frequently, people continue to cleave unto their mothers and their fathers, and their chums. Sometimes, mothers will not relinquish the hold they have had upon their children, and husbands, as well as wives, return to their mothers and fathers to obtain advice and counsel and to confide, whereas cleaving should be to the wife in most things, and all intimacies should be kept in great secrecy and privacy from others… Your married life should become independent of her folks and his folks. You love them more than ever, you cherish their counsel, you appreciate their association, but you live your own lives, being governed by your decisions, by your own prayerful considerations after you have received the counsel from those who should give it (Spencer W. Kimball, March 1977 Ensign, pp. 4, 5). Well-meaning relatives have broken up many a home. Numerous divorces are attributable to the interference of parents who thought they were only protecting their loved children… Live your own life (President Spencer W. Kimball, Marriage, p. 17).

Richard B. Miller, “Who Is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families.” BYU Conference on Family Life, Brigham Young University, March 28, 2009.